Ivan Zamorano

Acupunture Treatment

Dear Future Doctor (Stanford School of Medicine Parody on “Dear Future Husband” by Meghan Trainor)

Dear Future Doctor (Stanford School of Medicine Parody on “Dear Future Husband” by Meghan Trainor)


PATIENT: Dear future doctor Here’s a few things you need to know if you want to be my doctor and keep me alive Check my pulse and rate Percuss and auscultate And don’t forget to check my pupils, moles, and (OOH) prostate Make sure you treat me right ‘Cuz if you don’t I might Sue you ’til you bleed Li- liability RESIDENT: You’ll have that five to nine And maybe overtime So don’t get used to sleep or ever coming home at night You won’t have time for Scrubs ‘Cuz you’ll be in your scrubs [RING] What’s wrong with me? [RING RING] No time to pee! PATIENT: You gotta know how to treat my lacerations My broken bones and palpitations Make sure everything’s alright Dear future doctor Here’s a few things you need to know if you want to be my doctor and keep me alive Dear future doctor If you want to get that special rating Please Check my whole body, answer my questions all in 15 minutes? Each and every time GREEDY DOC: Ask to hold their hand And order every scan And then tell them they’re fine and bill them for a hundred grand And even if you’re wrong Pretend you’re never wrong Pay for your degree Pay, pay for that degree! You gotta know how to treat their green secretions Their gene repeats and gene deletions Make sure everything’s alright PATIENT: Dear future doctor Here’s a few things you need to know if you want to be my doctor and keep me alive Dear future doctor Make time for me Don’t keep me waiting I have the flu, no poo, super glue, and (AHH) beehive! NURSE: I’ll be saving lives on one side of the bed Hey! You’ll prescribe some drug you read about in Pubmed You think you’re really smart Just come and sign the chart Med school degree What, what, Google’s free I got to know how to treat their bites and masses The smell and blood out of their… rashes ‘Cuz you won’t do a damn thing right PATIENT: Dear future doctor Here’s a few things you need to know if you want to be my doctor and keep me alive TOGETHER: Dear future doctor If you want to still become a doctor You are a masochist, But heck, c’mon and join the line PATIENT: Woah, future doctor better treat me right.

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